Baby talk

Guess what! We're not pregnant. We're two cycles through the Fertility Awareness Method and not a fetus in sight.

What I can say is that NFP has truly been transformative in the way we think about childbearing. I was reminded of this for a couple reasons; once during my Augustine class. We are reading Confessions and Gus is sharing with the reader the time in his life when he was in a starter marriage to a concubine. He was sexually faithful to her for 18 years, they lived together and had a child. For all intents and purposes, it was a marriage but he goes on to say this in Book IV:

"This experience taught me at first hand what a difference there is between a marriage contracted for the purpose of founding a family, and a relationship of love charged with carnal desire in which children may be born even against a parents' wishes -- though once they are born one cannot help loving them."

These first two months have been a transition from the latter to the former. When I completed my first post-marriage cycle we were both so relieved! We talked about putting "a star on our chart" and how we were proud of being so careful.

This month things have been a little different. It started out with the fact that my mensis would begin a little later than usual because of a plane trip I took to a conference in D.C. Because of the trip, I ovulated about three days later than usual. The rule with NFP is that, if you are still having high temperatures three days after your leutal cycle ends (which is very consistent and not affected by stress, sickness, planes, etc) then you are most likely pregnant.

Jake and I were talking about this the night before I thought I would start mensis. I said, "but if I don't get my period by Thursday, we're probably pregnant." We both paused for a second but the conversation ended. The next day, indeed I found I had not conceived. When we "debriefed" the experience Jacob told me that the night before he'd had a dream about a baby in our lives. He remembers feeling completely at peace.

While there was still a sense of relief, this month I think we also feel a slight sense of sadness. For all the will-be-grandmothers in the house, fear not. We definitely still feel relieved! But I think we are coming to a sense of the awe of the gift, of how precious it is to bear the image of God in your bodies and wonderous it is to be fully in the grasp of that potential. Perhaps, though, the greatest gift of all is that peace Jacob felt, the peace that transcends fear and want and falls helplessly into the arms of our creator. What a gift indeed.

ready for more?

It's always hard to know people's tolerance for wedding photos. But in case you had a hankering to relive that day gone by, here is the link to our photos on snapfish courtesy of the great Phil Jones.

Wedding photos

And if you're really feeling ambitious or bored, check out photos in slide-show format.

saints, bridges and beer

Today was the feast day of Polycarp, a first century dude who was burned at the stake at age 86 for refusing to bend the knee to the king of Turkey. I like Polycarp and I like him even more now that I am taking Augustine. You may not have seen much “book blog” movement from us lately. Fear not. We are still reading, Jake the Narnia Chronicles and me tons of the bishop of Hippo.

One of the things that sticks out most from Peter Brown’s biography of Augustine is his assessment of how the saint got so darned introspective. Brown explains that in the first three centuries Christian histories focused exclusively on the last years of a saint’s life because Christians were getting martyred all over the place. It wasn’t until the fourth century, when Constantine and the Church picked up the sword that Christians plunged headfirst into their interior castle.

In other words, early on Christians’ lives were something the state feared and repressed. The witness of Christ created fear in those in authority. After Constantine the only real devil was inside. I think it’s a remarkable insight, the psychological change that came with embracing the power of this world.

Other news: I gave a natural family planning talk last night along with my (ironically) very pregnant Catholic friend from campus ministry. There are now quite a few UP students who know much more about my reproductive cycle than I ever thought they would. The hilarious note: I was the “medical ethicist” on the panel. Secondary note: get a degree in religion; you can pass as anything at all.

J has also started some temp work which has been good. We’re also trying to ride the bus more often which has led to some very funny transit experiences. Today I managed to go over the Steel Bridge a total of four times in my commute. Not sure how that happened.

After work it was meeting downtown for pints at Kell’s, $3 curry chips and yes, another trip back over the Steel Bridge. Just another week in paradise!

green wedding article

http://www.nytimes.com/2007/02/11/fashion/11green.html

I found this is a great article in the Times with some very helpful tips. While our wedding ended up being more "Trader Joes" than "CSA" we did our best to make it sustainable. It's a hard job, especially when you are committed to getting married at a church in the suburbs of Washington DC. But for those of you still on the way, chech this out.

www.portovert.com

Wish that was around when we were planning our wedding....

new life

Me: "So how was your day?"

J: "great! We got this beautiful kind of pearly plate in the mail."

M: "that sounds nice."

J: "and something else amazing happened."

M: "really? What!"

J: "Yes. You know that enamel coated cast iron pan. Get this. I let it soak overnight and this morning when I emptied it, the egg came off without me scrubbing at all!"

M: "wow. That's really great."

J: "I just got way too excited about that didn't I..."

That's life in the home, I guess. Excited about our new pans. I'm glad someone is here to be. It is very nice to have Jacob at home cleaning up odds and ends. We know the party can't last forever and we are hard on the job search. Keep us in your prayers.

Besides that, we're back in the day to day. The wedding seems like several years ago with all the normalcy that has kicked in. We're enjoying being together!

yeah for marriage!!

Thanks to everyone who came out to witness our vows and to party down with us last week. We had a great wedding/reception in Fairfax and an equally lovely reception in Iowa. We're back in Portland now after a few short days on our very cold "mini-moon" to NYC. We had a great night at Lincoln Center watching the ballet and did the tourist stuff Jacob hadn't done in the past. He liked the dinosaurs.

We felt so loved and supported last weekend. Our five flowergirls were the life of the party and we really enjoyed meeting our two new baby friends, Ella and Adelaide. What a blessing to have so many people who love us and care about us make time in their schedules to journey out for the wedding. Also, some special thanks to Phil Jones our enthusiastic and wonderful volunteer photographer. I am adding some of the photos he sent us below.

Hotel info

We have two places with blocks of rooms saved. Just let them know it's the Bixler-Florer wedding.

If you're interested in staying closer to Manassas, my home town you will want to stay at the Manassas Courtyard. You probably don't want to stay here unless you are in the wedding party or are excited about touring Civil War battle fields since all the action takes place a half an hour down 66.

Courtyard Manassas Battlefield Park
10701 Battleview Parkway
Manassas, Virginia 20109 USA
703-335-1300

$84/night
one king or two queens with a sleeper sofa
starts 1.13.07

The church and reception are much closer to the Fairfax Courtyard.

Courtyard Fairfax Fair Oaks
11220 Lee Jackson Highway (Rte. 50)
Fairfax, Virginia 22030 USA
Phone: 1-703-273-6161

$74/night king with sleeper sofa
$84/night for 2 queens

Directions
From Dulles airport to Courtyard Fairfax Fair Oaks


From Dulles airport to the Manassas Courtyard


From the Manassas Courtyard to the church


From the Fairfax Courtyard to the church

In other exciting news, we may end up getting married in the parking lot of Truro Church as it is likely to split from the Episcopal church. To read all about on the front page of the Washington Post click here.

Of course, I am sure nothing like that would happen. We hope.

Babies are good for Christians

This interview with Katharine Jefferts Schori appeared in the New York Times Magazine this past weekend. I read it and then heard someone mention it in a sermon. It’s interesting enough and shameful enough to share a bit.

How many members of the Episcopal Church are there in this country?

About 2.2 million. It used to be larger percentagewise, but Episcopalians tend to be better-educated and tend to reproduce at lower rates than some other denominations. Roman Catholics and Mormons both have theological reasons for producing lots of children.

Episcopalians aren’t interested in replenishing their ranks by having children?

No. It’s probably the opposite. We encourage people to pay attention to the stewardship of the earth and not use more than their portion.

As Jacob pointed out, chances are good that those parents and one child/no child families are leaving a larger carbon footprint than poor families with a ton of kids that don’t have a huge house to heat and drive 2 SUVs.

I also love the connection between better-education and lower birth rates. Smart people don’t have time for babies or see them as a burden on the earth. Even more awful is the insinuation that Episcopalians have no theological reason for welcoming children. Good Lord! What has this church come to! This interview makes me want to have 10 kids and certainly reaffirms our reasoning for the practice of NFP.

And congrats to Jane and Chad on the recent welcome of baby Ella. Jane, you are a champ.

Adam

Adam is one our friends from l'Arche. J and I went over to Nehalem to visit him, Joni, Erin and Marilyn last night. We won't be here for Thanksgiving and wanted to say goodbye before we flew back to Virginia.

On the way out the door Adam ran over and told us that he was going to get a "big piece of pizza" for us. We were a little confusued until Jacque, one of the assistants told us that Adam was starting Special Olympics skiing. The way they were told to slow down is to make a big piece of pizza with their skiis. It was great. We'll take our's with extra cheese.

The other great part of l'Arche right now is how the folks are getting confused about the whole husband/wife bit. Marilyn always refers to Jacob as my wife and yesterday Adam wanted to know where Jacob's husband was. They are so great.

We're excited to go home on Wednesday but even MORE excited about getting more RSVPs from you guys (hint hint)! Please let us know by Dec 1!!!!

OH NO!!!!

Technology has failed us. Maybe.

Making a long story short, the link I put on our site last week (which had worked when I tested it a few weeks ago) no longer seems to be connecting us to the RSVP page. Instead you have to go through our The Knot Webpage. I have changed the link now but I'm afraid we might have missed a couple.

All that to say, we have gotten a few replies (I think from people who went to the website first) but might have missed yours. We are so sorry! If you aren't listed below, we haven't heard from you.

The Joneses
Uiyeon Kim
Melanie Parker
The Von Lehes
The Leos
The Phillips
The Hanway and Higgs family
The Wilders
Gwyneth Jones
The Kilgores
The Kenneys
Emily Kaasa

Please do try again! For those of you whom we don't hear from, we'll send a reminder postcard on the due date.

You can RSVP by going to the site by emailing me directly at melissa.bixler@gordon.edu

Again, our apologies!!!!

RSVP and Registry

After a week of clipping, folding, copying and pasting we are finally done! Invitations are in the mail and on their way to your door.

RSVP
You will notice that there aren't reply cards. We wanted to cut down on the postage and the paperwaste by asking everyone to RSVP electronically. You can do that by clicking the link to the right under RSVP. This will take you to our webpage on the knot which can also be found here. Please RSVP by December 1.

Also, just a reminder from our save-the-dates that the 14th is a Sunday. Monday is MLK Jr's birthday weekend and we wanted to give people more time to travel without taking off work.

Registry
We registered at a few places but one is a little unusual. There were a lot of stores where we wanted to register that didn't have a system to do so. So we found something called myregistry.com which let's us register for anything. We take a picture or find a gift on-line and we can add a page onto our registry. Click on the box marked "buy gift" and it will take you to the website or information where the gift can be purchased. The gifts are arranged by price.

Some gifts, like our Calphalon pans or homebrew kit can be found anywhere so we're happy to get them from the cheapest place they can be found. Other things we're happy to get in any form -- like a wooden salad bowl. Please consider a local artist or store. And be sure to mark that you bought the gift so we don't get two!

That's the story. Pretty soon we'll be updating this page with hotel information and directions to the church so keep checking back!

Quick References
Nearest airport: Dulles (IAD)
Second closest: Regan-National
Probably too far away airport: Baltimore-Washington
City of the wedding: Fairfax, VA
Bixler's city: Manassas, VA
Our registrys: myregistry.com, Ten Thousand Villages, Sur La Table, Gaiam

Rural Plunge

This past week I was in Yakima Valley, WA with ten students on the Rural Plunge. It's fall break at UP. Every year Volunteer Services sponsors an alternative break trip to learn about farmworker communities. It was an eye-opening experience into the world of those who grow, pick and pack our food. We met families who had crossed the border from Mexico, making their way up the coast and going from season to season picking crops. We volunteered at Head Start, taught an ESL class, went to WA Apples packing plant, picked for a day at Inaba Farms and went to a farmworkers rights radio station.

We also met a lot of folks who were farmworker rights activists. One was Tomas Villanueva who is running for state senator. We went to a forum he spoke at called "Our Neighbors on the Edge" sponsored by the churches of Toppenish. We learned about the crises in health care and education for undocumented workers in the Valley and we heard from all the candidates for state legislature from that district.

All the challengers were brown (either American Indian or Hispanic) and all the incumbents were white farm owners. It was a strange thing to see and we were especially disturbed by how clueless the farm owners were about the issues impacting workers' lives. A few days after this we met with Tomas to hear his story: living in the labor camps in the 60s, earning his GED by night, dropping out of college to work with Cesar Chavez. It was a moving story. At the end Tomas told us that many of the whites in the Valley didn't want to support him because they assumed he was only representing the workers. He smiled a little and looked at each of us. "I am not a racist," he said, "but I do hate injustice."

For one of our nightly reflections I read the sections from the last chapter of Lamentations. This trip may have been the first time these words have a face.

We must pay for the water we drink;
the wood we get must be bought.
With a yoke on our necks we are hard driven;
we are weary, we are given no rest.


Our skin is black as an oven
from the scorching heat of famine.
Young men are compelled to grind,
and boys stagger under loads of wood.
The old men have left the city gate,
the young men their music.
The joy of our hearts has ceased;
our dancing has been turned to mourning.

But you, O Lord, reign for ever;
your throne endures to all generations.

I was amazed by how many people wanted to go back to Mexico but couldn't, how many people missed their families and felt isolated from their communities by language and culture.

But we also had a lot of fun being there. We had an interesting group: three international students (No. Ireland, Mexico and China), all majors and years. My student leader, Michelle, was awesome and we were able to laught together and be changed by what we saw.

They were a good group and I continue to pray that a few of them feel the call of God on their lives to be agents of change for people in the Valley.



Michelle wondering why our apples from the farm look so different than the waxy cardboard apples from Washington Apples.



My little pumpkin heads at Inaba Farms.



Val and Joe setting up for the Epic Head Start "Healthy Me" fair that we staffed.



Katie with our celebration pinata.



Jacob with bunnies. Sweet.

New Columbia

This week Jacob and I were able to do a real couple thing -- we went on a date with some friends! Stacey and Josh Noems work in Campus Ministry at UP. They are Notre Dame folks who moved out here after their time with Jesuit Volunteer Corps. We had dinner togther in the school caf with their two kids, baby Simon and five year old Oscar. It was the "Eat Local Challenge" at UP where everything served comes from within 150 miles of the schools. It was quite a feast and a real testimony to the abundance we can glean so close to home.

We also got to visit their home, something I've been wanting to do for a while. The Noems live in a place called New Columbia. It used to be Columbia Villa, one of the worst ghettos in the city. Ambulances and pizza drivers refused to go into the neigborhood. It was dotted with meth houses and the violence was never ending.

A few years ago the Housing Authority emptied the whole place out and ripped out every apartment. Within a year the area was transformed into a mixed income housing experiment. There are houses, apartments and townhouses, lots of green space, a community education center, a school for learning trades and a brand new elementary school called Rosa Parks.

The housing comes in three levels -- straight rent/mortgage, affordable housing and section 8. All the sudden there are young professionals living beside single mothers who live beside multi-generation immigrant families. It is a truly remarkable scene. It's really transforming North Portland by getting people to live next to each other, the anti-gentrification.

Jacob and I were so impressed by the neighborhood and to hear about how so many people are being transformed simply by living beside one another. It's certainly a place we could see ourselves living in a few years.

Book Blog

Check it here.

Shower-in-a-Box, plate progress

I had a great surprise when I got home yesterday -- a box from my sweet friend Sara Ardrey-Graves. Sara is one of the women of ladies night, a group of Duke women in religious studies who got together once a week to enagage the holy and the some times questionably holy.

When Sara was simply Sara Ardrey we all went down to the beach after classes were over for a week of amazing beach bonding. It was like a bachelorette party that lasted five days.

But after that we all went our own ways. Molly is a Methodist minister, Amy Griz the Baptist version. Sara is ministering to California surfer youth. We've got PhD programites, Uganda university theology profs and West Bank peace workers in our group. We're across the country and around the globe, from Texas to the West Bank.

It's hard to lose fellowship like that. There have been emails and occasional phone calls but, of course, that isn't the same.

So it was a DELIGHT to come home to my little NE Portland apartment to find a box with individually wrapped gifts from each of the women from the great beach excursion. Bridal-shower-in-a-box was a sweet, wonderful surprise. It was like getting a global hug.

I also got some great pictures of our plates from Chris Haw. It is so awesome to remember that they are just clay from the earth. Here they are in nascent form.

New Address

Here's the address of our little tiny apartment in NE Portland. It's me there for now and then Jacob too when we get married. Pictures coming soon....

1926 NE Tillamook St.
Portland, OR 97212

ROTC, Walmart and the art of negotiation

Working at UP is interesting. It's interesting to be a pacifist at a school with a heavy ROTC presence, to be a Mennonite(ish person) at a Catholic school, to be back in the Corporation after a year scrubbing the backs of the disabled. I love my job because I am paid to bring conversation to each of these places of potential conflict. Because these conflicts are particular and personal for me, they have a sepcial relevance for my work.

One "moment" of late was a conversation with the Director of my department, Tom. He's part of Wal-Marts greening intitative. After protestors and lobbyists put a heap of pressure on Wal-Mart, the company formed panels across the country to get it's greening action underway.

Tom's really torn about it. So am I. In the news a few months ago we learned how Wal-Mart fires pregnant employees and won't hire those who were feeble or old because they don't want to pay the insurance bills. They have some of the worst wages and benefits of any multinational and are completely blind to the sweatshop labor which provides their goods.

So they want you to help their stores not pollute the earth by producing less carbon emissions. What's a guy to do?

I have my own struggle. ROTC is a huge place of contention for me, especially at a Catholic Christian school. One of my students recently asked me to help her plan a trip to Fort Benning for the School of the Americas protest/actions. Suddenly there is all this negotiating. How do you be in relationship, in community with our ROTC brothers and sisters and still speak from a place of grave concern? How do we enter the sorrow that there are places we simply cannot travel together? And, perhaps most chilling, what does this mean for us under the banner of the cross?

Our readiness to renounce our legitimate ends whenever they cannot be attained by legitimate means itself constitutes our participation in the triumphant suffering of the Lamb.

This is the John Howard Yoder quote that follows me with these thoughts. They may not sound like very wedding-esque thoughts, but there are so many questions about being well in the world about us at all times. One of the main ones is the difference between acting charitably and acting sustainably. We eventually chose a caterer who didn't have to drive a large gas guzzler an hour to reach us. But we didn't get to support the charitable organization we wanted to. We landed with a local woman who started her own company and was very sensitive to our desire to use local food and wine.

It's great. But these are the kinds of things we turn over in our daily life. But this is the journey! It's birth control and Safeway, Mac computers and NFL football. And we're blessed to be in the conversation, to be together in it.

Dishes

We finally found some dishes we like, and someone to make them. Chris Haw is our hired potter who will be making our dishes over the next few months. I know of Chris, who lives in the Camden House in NJ, through friends from Duke. I saw his pottery and asked if he would be willing to make a set for us. He agreed and we will be getting 6 sets at $37 a set by January.

You can more about the ministry of Camden House here. This house is part of a larger movement called the New Monasticism. Since the folks at Camden House share their worldly goods, Chris' pottery goes towards their work. You can check out the rest of his stuff (and place your own order) by going here.

Jake's LandRover

This is Jacob's latest project. With a little backing from his dad, the first Landrover is ready to ship from the UK to the US (soon, he adds). This is a market tester for a possible (serious) business. We'll see where it goes.....

Update and Bridal Shower Pix

Ah, the Service Plunge is finally over. We successfuly navigated 160 freshman through service projects around Portland and logged close to 1000 volunteer hours. While it was great to meet the new UP students, the highlight for me was the student staff. I was so impressed by their hospitality, their eagerness and, by many, their faith. I loved seeing them interact, ask questions and foster relationships with their small group. I also enjoyed bringing Adam and Erin to the final dinner. The transition between my l'Arche life and University of Portland seemed almost seamless. I also got to see some places in PDX I haven't yet, like the Catholic Worker in North Portland.

In other big news, we've got an apartment! I won't be living with the nuns after all, but the same sisters also own an apartment complex which has a few units they rent to "friends of the community." Most of the people who live there are nuns. I think we will be one of three tenants who are not. The rent is cheap and it's in a beautiful part of NE Portland, close to the school. To make things even better, Sister Kate, who used to live downstairs gave us her furniture! This is huge for us since currently we own only a wicker couch and a used mattress.

I'm also adding some bridal shower pictures from the other week. The one at the top is from a recent trip Jacob and I took to Cannon Beach.

Cindy and Shannon chat with Maureen Wheeler. We had the shower in theh Laurelhurst Park. It was a beautiful day and Heather did a great job organizing.



When five year olds are involved you usually end up sharing the spotlight. Here's Jacob's cousin Wren "helping me" open my gifts.


This is a basket I got as a gift. Heather filled with individually wrapped items for our kitchen.


At the end we invited the boys (my dad, Jake's dad and Jake himself) to join us for smores.