Natural Family Planning

Me holding my God-daughter, Geneva about a minute after she was born

















Q: What do you call a couple practicing the Rhythm Method?

A: Parents

Yes, we have heard this joke before. What Jake and I always say is, "well, we're not practicing the Rhythm Method; we're using natural family planning."

Huh?

Most people think of the rhythm method as that inaffective Catholic practice used to decide when to have sex based on the menstural cycle. The myth is that every woman everywhere, across the world ovulates at exactly the same time -- on the 14th day of her cycle.

This is sadly untrue. Women ovulate at different times, sometimes different times every month. Ovulation is affected by stress, plane rides. Practicing NFP requires vigilance in order to do it well. Everyone I know who has gotten pregnant on the NFP we are using either knew they were taking a risk having sex near the date they ovulated or weren't charting accurately.

But often all we hear is, "pregnant on NFP. Big surprise." There are so many misconceptions around NFP. When a friend recently heard we were doing NFP he was skeptical. He respected our decision but thought it was crazy that we could be pregnant at any moment. He was a bit surprised to hear that there is only a 24 hour window once a month in which to conceive. Our friend was imaging that we were fertile all the time! This new information made the whole venture a lot more realistic for him.

The journey into natural birth control is a theological issue for me and Jacob. I know this makes a lot of folks bristle. What we don't mean: that people who use barrier methods or oral contraception are going to hell. We certainy know there is a time and a place for birth control, particularly in countries with high numbers of HIV/AIDS infection where women have very little control over what their husbands bring into their beds.

What we do mean is that, first and foremost, children are a blessing. Because they are gifts we treat them as such and welcome them with the same hospitality. We also want to establish a marriage that honors creation. Both of our bodies are set up with systems and signs which tell us when we are present to the week when we are able to conceive. There are ample amounts of time where our sexual activity is procreative for our relationship building but not for child-conceiving (i.e. times when the gift is not available). We want to work within those boundaries and into the cycles which are part of who we are as created beings.

In other words, NFP is a gift! The belief in each other's fidelity allows us to have sex without a barrier; the belief in God's radical abundance allows us to trust in the process of our bodies; our belief in the church's committment to raising our children with us frees us from the fear of want.

As for the specifics, for those interested, I will give a brief outline. There are three signs to tell fertility:

1. position of the cervics
2. the viscosity of daily cervical fluid
3. waking temperature

With these steps I can pinpoint which day I ovulate. There's about a ten day window of abstinence for those trying to avoid conception (like us) because sperm can live in a woman's body for up to five days after intercourse (how cool it that!). The other days buffer the post-ovulatory phase, just in case alcohol, a plane ride or a temperature from sickness are masking the signs that ovulation has happened.

I've been "charting" (which is what this process of mapping the month is called) for about six months. It's incredible how clear the signs become, how amazing it is to know what my body is doing and how it is preparing each month to bring life into the world. I also want to remember, though, that one of the main reasons for doing this is to put our lives firmly in the plans of God. My friend Seeca reminded me the other day that, for all our trying, sometimes we get it wrong. Sometimes we find out we're infertile, can't carry a pregnancy to term or have to use birth control because of a medical issue. For all our trying, God is the one in control. In all things, we are entrusted to his unfailing love.

To hear about our method of Natural Family Planning check out this link.