A while ago my friend Ashley asked me what Jacob and I are planning to do about our last name. At the time the most natural course of action was for me to stay Bixler, him to stay Florer. I couldn't imagine a great reason to change my name to Florer and vice versa. We flirted with a bunch of ideas, the best one being making up a new word from some or most of the letters in our names (e.g. flixrer, rexflo, olexef, lixbore).
As time went on, in the course of our cooperative naming process it became clear that Jacob had one particular desire in this area. Mostly, he wanted our whole family to have the same last name. So we were left with hyphenating our names. We see this marriage not only as the conjoining of two people, but of two families, two communities, two distinct stories. We bring to our union our Bixler-ness and our Florer-ness.
Now we transition into aesthetics. They're not the prettiest combo (ah, how lucky you are Ardrey-Graves family and Hevelone-Harpers. Kielsmeier-Jones is a mouthful for sure) but it's what we've got.
Here's where we could use your help. Which do you think sounds better: Bixler-Florer or Florer-Bixler?
We were leaning strongly towards the former until my sister mentioned that "Bix" is such a dominating syllable that "lerflorer" becomes this slushy afterthought. Putting "bix" in the middle, she pointed out, is a wake up call in the middle of the soft sounds "florer" and "ler." It becomes two distinct words instead of one. In Jacob's words, "it makes me feel married."
Thoughts? opinions?
9 comments:
I'll be honest with you. Personally, I don't like the hyphen. I wonder if you've considered the beauty of taking on your husband's name? Marriage is this beautiful union that defies mathematics. It's not 1+1=2, it's 1+1=1! To me, the hyphen seems too much like 2. I think taking your husband's name is a beautifully symbolic way of saying "I don't just want to add you on to what I have, I want to give myself completely to you, to be one with you. I want to be yours." Married life requires A LOT of "giving up" for the other. Giving up our maiden names can be a wonderful act and a continual reminder of our willingness to give of ourselves for our husbands. Ultimately though, these are matters of the heart and a name is just a clump of letters. I'm sure you have put a lot of thought into this. Just wanted to throw out my two cents for your consideration.
li- thanks for the comment. but i think Jacob feels that way too! there is a lot of giving up from his end, a lot of ways he will (and already does) sacrafice for me. giving up his "maiden name" was also in the discussion (after all, in the sense that we are both called to sacrifice equally it is fairly arbitrary) but that also didn't seem like a good solution.
as much as marriage is 1+1=1 it is also two families, two cultures, two lives, two stories, two histories. we are combining those things into one life and we want to keep a record of that always before us (and before our kids!).
Call today for a free sample of Bixler-Florer. Common side effects may include dry mouth, insomnia, diharrea, and constipation. If you experience an errection lasting more then four hours stop using Bixler-Florer as this may be a sign of liver disease. Bixler-Florer may not be right for you, consult your doctor before beginning Bixler-Florer treatment.
Two points for nate. I agree!
Speaking as one Ardrey-Graves - your sister has an excellent point with the consonant break-up of 'Bix' with the two 'er' sounds. I like Florer-Bixler - 'tis easier on the tongue.
And I have to say, the hyphen is the way to go. The only time I've been mistakenly called Mrs. Graves is by telemarketers who assume Ardrey is my middle name. Have fun signing checks, though! I wholeheartedly support couples who both hyphenate - such a beautiful and visible sign of two families becoming one.
Have you two decided on a date yet? Can't wait for the big day!
C'mon Melissa...Florer is the way to go. Just think about when your kids do something wrong some day and you need to reprimand them using their full name: "Savannah Elizabeth Suzy Florer-Bixler, you get your rump outta that mud hole right now, ya hear!" See? It's a lot more to say. Plus, if your son (Carla's note: or daughter) is ever a pro athlete, imagine trying to fit that on the back of the jersey. Otherwise, I'd agree with Nate from the post above...it might sound too much like a prescription drug: "Hey Daryl, have you taken your Flo-Bix yet?" Love ya both!
what about ian baker-finch? Shareef Abdur-Rahim of the kings? Didier Ilunga-Mbenga of the Mavs? Powers-Neal of the Detroit Lions? or guys with names just as long, like Andriuskevicius? they seem to be doing okay, in their PROFESSIONAL ATHKETIC CAREERS.
besides, florer was not an option. HELLO? anyone home? stick within the PARAMETERS. shesh.
Oh, Melissa...parameters, sharameters. Here's what I'll say about Mr. Abdur-Raheem, et. al. They have to have those funny, narrow, shrunken letters on the jersey...which looks funny. Also, and here's the bigger question, what happens when little Savannah Florer-Bixler meets the son of, say, pro tennis player Justin Henin-Harden? Does she become Savannah Florer-Bixler-Henin-Harden? And what if her son meets another multi last name child? Could you possibly have a grandson named Woodrow Florer-Bixler-Henin-Harden-Anderson-Lavoie-McClaine-Navarro? At some point, you'll need a whole phone book page just for one name. Just a thought. But...if you really want to know...and the "parameters" are important...we'll go with Florer-Bixler. Sounds good to us!
I will say, to add to the conversation, that when I hypenated my name and thought about children - a quote from our priest's husband came to mind (they are the Jameison-Drake's):
"Our parents didn't tell us what to do, and we aren't going to tell our kids what to do." Meaning: when the time comes for little Suzi Q Ardrey-Graves to get married, she can figure it out herself. Our parents gave us the freedom to choose, and we'll do the same for our children.
Rock on, Flo-Bix.
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