Natural Family Planning

Me holding my God-daughter, Geneva about a minute after she was born

















Q: What do you call a couple practicing the Rhythm Method?

A: Parents

Yes, we have heard this joke before. What Jake and I always say is, "well, we're not practicing the Rhythm Method; we're using natural family planning."

Huh?

Most people think of the rhythm method as that inaffective Catholic practice used to decide when to have sex based on the menstural cycle. The myth is that every woman everywhere, across the world ovulates at exactly the same time -- on the 14th day of her cycle.

This is sadly untrue. Women ovulate at different times, sometimes different times every month. Ovulation is affected by stress, plane rides. Practicing NFP requires vigilance in order to do it well. Everyone I know who has gotten pregnant on the NFP we are using either knew they were taking a risk having sex near the date they ovulated or weren't charting accurately.

But often all we hear is, "pregnant on NFP. Big surprise." There are so many misconceptions around NFP. When a friend recently heard we were doing NFP he was skeptical. He respected our decision but thought it was crazy that we could be pregnant at any moment. He was a bit surprised to hear that there is only a 24 hour window once a month in which to conceive. Our friend was imaging that we were fertile all the time! This new information made the whole venture a lot more realistic for him.

The journey into natural birth control is a theological issue for me and Jacob. I know this makes a lot of folks bristle. What we don't mean: that people who use barrier methods or oral contraception are going to hell. We certainy know there is a time and a place for birth control, particularly in countries with high numbers of HIV/AIDS infection where women have very little control over what their husbands bring into their beds.

What we do mean is that, first and foremost, children are a blessing. Because they are gifts we treat them as such and welcome them with the same hospitality. We also want to establish a marriage that honors creation. Both of our bodies are set up with systems and signs which tell us when we are present to the week when we are able to conceive. There are ample amounts of time where our sexual activity is procreative for our relationship building but not for child-conceiving (i.e. times when the gift is not available). We want to work within those boundaries and into the cycles which are part of who we are as created beings.

In other words, NFP is a gift! The belief in each other's fidelity allows us to have sex without a barrier; the belief in God's radical abundance allows us to trust in the process of our bodies; our belief in the church's committment to raising our children with us frees us from the fear of want.

As for the specifics, for those interested, I will give a brief outline. There are three signs to tell fertility:

1. position of the cervics
2. the viscosity of daily cervical fluid
3. waking temperature

With these steps I can pinpoint which day I ovulate. There's about a ten day window of abstinence for those trying to avoid conception (like us) because sperm can live in a woman's body for up to five days after intercourse (how cool it that!). The other days buffer the post-ovulatory phase, just in case alcohol, a plane ride or a temperature from sickness are masking the signs that ovulation has happened.

I've been "charting" (which is what this process of mapping the month is called) for about six months. It's incredible how clear the signs become, how amazing it is to know what my body is doing and how it is preparing each month to bring life into the world. I also want to remember, though, that one of the main reasons for doing this is to put our lives firmly in the plans of God. My friend Seeca reminded me the other day that, for all our trying, sometimes we get it wrong. Sometimes we find out we're infertile, can't carry a pregnancy to term or have to use birth control because of a medical issue. For all our trying, God is the one in control. In all things, we are entrusted to his unfailing love.

To hear about our method of Natural Family Planning check out this link.

Family

Three Generations: Jacob, his mom, grandma, and great-grandma


This past weekend Jacob and I went back to Iowa for his sister's wedding. I have met lots of the Florer and Fredregill families in the past two trips to the mid-West, but this was the big show. Everyone I had heard about and seen in pictures was there. It was a beautiful celebration of family and friends and the grace we receive from those who bind us together as families. Since my family is so small and detached, this was also a huge culture shock, everyone living in relative proximity, still involved, still present.

What I especially appreciated was getting to know all the people who helped form my future husband. These people all share a piece of both Jacob's biological makeup and his upbringing as a learner, a friend and a man of faith. I wanted to thank every person I met for the person he has become, for the gifts he brings to the world and for the way he blesses my life. I also found some great pictures of baby Jake which I thought everyone would enjoy.....

Baby Jake at six months



A young start to coolness (especially loving the snoopy belt buckle)

107

One of the best parts of the Melissa/Jacob story is how many times we missed running into each other in the past few years. The big miss was when we both were studying in Oxford in 2002. As it turns out, we lived half a mile from one another. It's also a little funny that both our house numbers were 107 (the l'Arche community's number is 107 also). I worked at a pub, the Eagle and Child where lots of the Wheaton boys frequented so chances are good we ran into each other at least a few times. We even went to the same Anglican church!

But we had a few other close calls. When I was digging in Israel Jacob was on Wheaton's holy Lands tour. He visited the tel, Hazor that summer just a few hours after our work day ended. When I was a grad student at Duke, he came and stayed with some of our good guy friends a few separate times. Even with him going to vespers and me studying in the building next door, we never crossed paths.

Guess things needed to come full circle. We're really happy to cross each other's path every day now.

Guests!

Wedding news is slow but we are happy to welcome lots of friends into the area. Our good friends the Smalleys from North Carolina were up here last week. Our friend Joshua also stayed for a while. Now my sister is in Portland for the summer working/living in l'Arche (l'Arche is often a family affair). Gwyneth and Carla were out here, as were Lindsey and Frank as well as our friend Joseph. Soon both sets of parents will be out in the great Northwest. Come out and visit us! We always have room on the couch....



Jacob and Joshua being technical

Colonials, Sodexho and corporate responsibility

Things were going just to smoothly....

A few weeks ago Jacob and I were able to secure the site for our reception. We were doing the usual dance between cost and committment but felt like we landed a nice medium. George Mason University rents out a ballroom space which we thought was perfect. We were strictly avoiding those places which operate off the wedding industry. These places will charge you thousands more for a wedding than if you were to, say, rent the space for your Grandma's birthday. They almost always require you to use their caterer, have an open bar and charge absurd fees for stuff you never thought would be extra (like lighting? give me a break).

GMU seemed perfect. They are close to the church which cuts down on driving (read gas useage). They would let us use whatever caterer we wanted and charged a reasonable fee for the faciltiies. Plus, I felt like I was supporting the school which provided one of the best NCAA cinderella basketball stories of the decade. Even though they messed up my bracket big time, I became a Colonials fan after Duke's horrible performance at the Big Dance.

But problems are starting to arise. GMU will let you use your own caterer, but not their kitchen (thank the Lord my mom's a contract manager and pays attention to this stuff). GMU let us know they would be happy to have Sodexho cater my event.

A little background on Sodexho. They are the country's biggest food service company. Most meal plans we were on in college, most hospital food, most vending services in the USA are provided by this monster of a multinational. In their words, "The people of Sodexho touch the lives of millions of men, women and children each day."

Unfortunately Sodexho hasn't always touched lives in a positive way. In 2001 a lawsuit for discrimination was filed against the company. Seems Sodexho refused the promotion of over 3,400 mid-level black employees. There were also incidents of the n-word being thrown around the office and certain accounts being ignored because they were "black accounts." They settled for $80 million in 2002.

Perhaps the words "blood-sucking leech monster bound for the hottest depths of hell" are going through your mind right now. But hold on. Since 2002, the company has initated a new series of "corporate responsibility" clauses. They have a pretty awesome website to back it up complete with measured results of their progress over the years. They are contributing to a breakfast program for low-income school children, signed on to the Global Sullivan Principles for Social Responsibility, offer fair trade coffee and now provide a line of local, organic food. On the protest side, the critics of Sodexho have badly written and/or defunct websites, no new information and offer a lot of opinions without factual support.

Still, for us, this isn't an easy decision. We were really excited to use Fresh Start catering, a work program of DC Central Kitchen. The Kitchen offers a culinary school for chronically unemployable adults. The first job you get after graduating is with Fresh Start. You get experience and a resume builder before going on to working for other companies.

It's a brilliant idea and one we want to support. But without use of the kitchen (which we think is pretty insidious of GMU because of course this forces you to use their caterer) we can't do it. Plus Fresh Start doesn't have linens or dishware so we have to go to another company for that. And at this point in the game it's hard to imagine going through the work of finding another location.

Not only that, we also want to support companies that are trying to clean up their acts in the same way we want to support larger supermarkets who offer local, organic produce. Like all things, this is a negotiation. Ultimately, we are interested in change, in seeing companies respond to internal problems, put environmental sustainability into action and provide proper support to their employees. We aren't interested in being angry for the sake of being angry.

If we do decide to go with Sodexho we will write them a letter letting them know that we are giving them our business because of the changes they've made and for the ways they have responded to the lawsuit. We're also happy for any input anyone has on this topic.