Hotel info

We have two places with blocks of rooms saved. Just let them know it's the Bixler-Florer wedding.

If you're interested in staying closer to Manassas, my home town you will want to stay at the Manassas Courtyard. You probably don't want to stay here unless you are in the wedding party or are excited about touring Civil War battle fields since all the action takes place a half an hour down 66.

Courtyard Manassas Battlefield Park
10701 Battleview Parkway
Manassas, Virginia 20109 USA
703-335-1300

$84/night
one king or two queens with a sleeper sofa
starts 1.13.07

The church and reception are much closer to the Fairfax Courtyard.

Courtyard Fairfax Fair Oaks
11220 Lee Jackson Highway (Rte. 50)
Fairfax, Virginia 22030 USA
Phone: 1-703-273-6161

$74/night king with sleeper sofa
$84/night for 2 queens

Directions
From Dulles airport to Courtyard Fairfax Fair Oaks


From Dulles airport to the Manassas Courtyard


From the Manassas Courtyard to the church


From the Fairfax Courtyard to the church

In other exciting news, we may end up getting married in the parking lot of Truro Church as it is likely to split from the Episcopal church. To read all about on the front page of the Washington Post click here.

Of course, I am sure nothing like that would happen. We hope.

Babies are good for Christians

This interview with Katharine Jefferts Schori appeared in the New York Times Magazine this past weekend. I read it and then heard someone mention it in a sermon. It’s interesting enough and shameful enough to share a bit.

How many members of the Episcopal Church are there in this country?

About 2.2 million. It used to be larger percentagewise, but Episcopalians tend to be better-educated and tend to reproduce at lower rates than some other denominations. Roman Catholics and Mormons both have theological reasons for producing lots of children.

Episcopalians aren’t interested in replenishing their ranks by having children?

No. It’s probably the opposite. We encourage people to pay attention to the stewardship of the earth and not use more than their portion.

As Jacob pointed out, chances are good that those parents and one child/no child families are leaving a larger carbon footprint than poor families with a ton of kids that don’t have a huge house to heat and drive 2 SUVs.

I also love the connection between better-education and lower birth rates. Smart people don’t have time for babies or see them as a burden on the earth. Even more awful is the insinuation that Episcopalians have no theological reason for welcoming children. Good Lord! What has this church come to! This interview makes me want to have 10 kids and certainly reaffirms our reasoning for the practice of NFP.

And congrats to Jane and Chad on the recent welcome of baby Ella. Jane, you are a champ.

Adam

Adam is one our friends from l'Arche. J and I went over to Nehalem to visit him, Joni, Erin and Marilyn last night. We won't be here for Thanksgiving and wanted to say goodbye before we flew back to Virginia.

On the way out the door Adam ran over and told us that he was going to get a "big piece of pizza" for us. We were a little confusued until Jacque, one of the assistants told us that Adam was starting Special Olympics skiing. The way they were told to slow down is to make a big piece of pizza with their skiis. It was great. We'll take our's with extra cheese.

The other great part of l'Arche right now is how the folks are getting confused about the whole husband/wife bit. Marilyn always refers to Jacob as my wife and yesterday Adam wanted to know where Jacob's husband was. They are so great.

We're excited to go home on Wednesday but even MORE excited about getting more RSVPs from you guys (hint hint)! Please let us know by Dec 1!!!!

OH NO!!!!

Technology has failed us. Maybe.

Making a long story short, the link I put on our site last week (which had worked when I tested it a few weeks ago) no longer seems to be connecting us to the RSVP page. Instead you have to go through our The Knot Webpage. I have changed the link now but I'm afraid we might have missed a couple.

All that to say, we have gotten a few replies (I think from people who went to the website first) but might have missed yours. We are so sorry! If you aren't listed below, we haven't heard from you.

The Joneses
Uiyeon Kim
Melanie Parker
The Von Lehes
The Leos
The Phillips
The Hanway and Higgs family
The Wilders
Gwyneth Jones
The Kilgores
The Kenneys
Emily Kaasa

Please do try again! For those of you whom we don't hear from, we'll send a reminder postcard on the due date.

You can RSVP by going to the site by emailing me directly at melissa.bixler@gordon.edu

Again, our apologies!!!!

RSVP and Registry

After a week of clipping, folding, copying and pasting we are finally done! Invitations are in the mail and on their way to your door.

RSVP
You will notice that there aren't reply cards. We wanted to cut down on the postage and the paperwaste by asking everyone to RSVP electronically. You can do that by clicking the link to the right under RSVP. This will take you to our webpage on the knot which can also be found here. Please RSVP by December 1.

Also, just a reminder from our save-the-dates that the 14th is a Sunday. Monday is MLK Jr's birthday weekend and we wanted to give people more time to travel without taking off work.

Registry
We registered at a few places but one is a little unusual. There were a lot of stores where we wanted to register that didn't have a system to do so. So we found something called myregistry.com which let's us register for anything. We take a picture or find a gift on-line and we can add a page onto our registry. Click on the box marked "buy gift" and it will take you to the website or information where the gift can be purchased. The gifts are arranged by price.

Some gifts, like our Calphalon pans or homebrew kit can be found anywhere so we're happy to get them from the cheapest place they can be found. Other things we're happy to get in any form -- like a wooden salad bowl. Please consider a local artist or store. And be sure to mark that you bought the gift so we don't get two!

That's the story. Pretty soon we'll be updating this page with hotel information and directions to the church so keep checking back!

Quick References
Nearest airport: Dulles (IAD)
Second closest: Regan-National
Probably too far away airport: Baltimore-Washington
City of the wedding: Fairfax, VA
Bixler's city: Manassas, VA
Our registrys: myregistry.com, Ten Thousand Villages, Sur La Table, Gaiam

Rural Plunge

This past week I was in Yakima Valley, WA with ten students on the Rural Plunge. It's fall break at UP. Every year Volunteer Services sponsors an alternative break trip to learn about farmworker communities. It was an eye-opening experience into the world of those who grow, pick and pack our food. We met families who had crossed the border from Mexico, making their way up the coast and going from season to season picking crops. We volunteered at Head Start, taught an ESL class, went to WA Apples packing plant, picked for a day at Inaba Farms and went to a farmworkers rights radio station.

We also met a lot of folks who were farmworker rights activists. One was Tomas Villanueva who is running for state senator. We went to a forum he spoke at called "Our Neighbors on the Edge" sponsored by the churches of Toppenish. We learned about the crises in health care and education for undocumented workers in the Valley and we heard from all the candidates for state legislature from that district.

All the challengers were brown (either American Indian or Hispanic) and all the incumbents were white farm owners. It was a strange thing to see and we were especially disturbed by how clueless the farm owners were about the issues impacting workers' lives. A few days after this we met with Tomas to hear his story: living in the labor camps in the 60s, earning his GED by night, dropping out of college to work with Cesar Chavez. It was a moving story. At the end Tomas told us that many of the whites in the Valley didn't want to support him because they assumed he was only representing the workers. He smiled a little and looked at each of us. "I am not a racist," he said, "but I do hate injustice."

For one of our nightly reflections I read the sections from the last chapter of Lamentations. This trip may have been the first time these words have a face.

We must pay for the water we drink;
the wood we get must be bought.
With a yoke on our necks we are hard driven;
we are weary, we are given no rest.


Our skin is black as an oven
from the scorching heat of famine.
Young men are compelled to grind,
and boys stagger under loads of wood.
The old men have left the city gate,
the young men their music.
The joy of our hearts has ceased;
our dancing has been turned to mourning.

But you, O Lord, reign for ever;
your throne endures to all generations.

I was amazed by how many people wanted to go back to Mexico but couldn't, how many people missed their families and felt isolated from their communities by language and culture.

But we also had a lot of fun being there. We had an interesting group: three international students (No. Ireland, Mexico and China), all majors and years. My student leader, Michelle, was awesome and we were able to laught together and be changed by what we saw.

They were a good group and I continue to pray that a few of them feel the call of God on their lives to be agents of change for people in the Valley.



Michelle wondering why our apples from the farm look so different than the waxy cardboard apples from Washington Apples.



My little pumpkin heads at Inaba Farms.



Val and Joe setting up for the Epic Head Start "Healthy Me" fair that we staffed.



Katie with our celebration pinata.



Jacob with bunnies. Sweet.

New Columbia

This week Jacob and I were able to do a real couple thing -- we went on a date with some friends! Stacey and Josh Noems work in Campus Ministry at UP. They are Notre Dame folks who moved out here after their time with Jesuit Volunteer Corps. We had dinner togther in the school caf with their two kids, baby Simon and five year old Oscar. It was the "Eat Local Challenge" at UP where everything served comes from within 150 miles of the schools. It was quite a feast and a real testimony to the abundance we can glean so close to home.

We also got to visit their home, something I've been wanting to do for a while. The Noems live in a place called New Columbia. It used to be Columbia Villa, one of the worst ghettos in the city. Ambulances and pizza drivers refused to go into the neigborhood. It was dotted with meth houses and the violence was never ending.

A few years ago the Housing Authority emptied the whole place out and ripped out every apartment. Within a year the area was transformed into a mixed income housing experiment. There are houses, apartments and townhouses, lots of green space, a community education center, a school for learning trades and a brand new elementary school called Rosa Parks.

The housing comes in three levels -- straight rent/mortgage, affordable housing and section 8. All the sudden there are young professionals living beside single mothers who live beside multi-generation immigrant families. It is a truly remarkable scene. It's really transforming North Portland by getting people to live next to each other, the anti-gentrification.

Jacob and I were so impressed by the neighborhood and to hear about how so many people are being transformed simply by living beside one another. It's certainly a place we could see ourselves living in a few years.

Book Blog

Check it here.

Shower-in-a-Box, plate progress

I had a great surprise when I got home yesterday -- a box from my sweet friend Sara Ardrey-Graves. Sara is one of the women of ladies night, a group of Duke women in religious studies who got together once a week to enagage the holy and the some times questionably holy.

When Sara was simply Sara Ardrey we all went down to the beach after classes were over for a week of amazing beach bonding. It was like a bachelorette party that lasted five days.

But after that we all went our own ways. Molly is a Methodist minister, Amy Griz the Baptist version. Sara is ministering to California surfer youth. We've got PhD programites, Uganda university theology profs and West Bank peace workers in our group. We're across the country and around the globe, from Texas to the West Bank.

It's hard to lose fellowship like that. There have been emails and occasional phone calls but, of course, that isn't the same.

So it was a DELIGHT to come home to my little NE Portland apartment to find a box with individually wrapped gifts from each of the women from the great beach excursion. Bridal-shower-in-a-box was a sweet, wonderful surprise. It was like getting a global hug.

I also got some great pictures of our plates from Chris Haw. It is so awesome to remember that they are just clay from the earth. Here they are in nascent form.

New Address

Here's the address of our little tiny apartment in NE Portland. It's me there for now and then Jacob too when we get married. Pictures coming soon....

1926 NE Tillamook St.
Portland, OR 97212

ROTC, Walmart and the art of negotiation

Working at UP is interesting. It's interesting to be a pacifist at a school with a heavy ROTC presence, to be a Mennonite(ish person) at a Catholic school, to be back in the Corporation after a year scrubbing the backs of the disabled. I love my job because I am paid to bring conversation to each of these places of potential conflict. Because these conflicts are particular and personal for me, they have a sepcial relevance for my work.

One "moment" of late was a conversation with the Director of my department, Tom. He's part of Wal-Marts greening intitative. After protestors and lobbyists put a heap of pressure on Wal-Mart, the company formed panels across the country to get it's greening action underway.

Tom's really torn about it. So am I. In the news a few months ago we learned how Wal-Mart fires pregnant employees and won't hire those who were feeble or old because they don't want to pay the insurance bills. They have some of the worst wages and benefits of any multinational and are completely blind to the sweatshop labor which provides their goods.

So they want you to help their stores not pollute the earth by producing less carbon emissions. What's a guy to do?

I have my own struggle. ROTC is a huge place of contention for me, especially at a Catholic Christian school. One of my students recently asked me to help her plan a trip to Fort Benning for the School of the Americas protest/actions. Suddenly there is all this negotiating. How do you be in relationship, in community with our ROTC brothers and sisters and still speak from a place of grave concern? How do we enter the sorrow that there are places we simply cannot travel together? And, perhaps most chilling, what does this mean for us under the banner of the cross?

Our readiness to renounce our legitimate ends whenever they cannot be attained by legitimate means itself constitutes our participation in the triumphant suffering of the Lamb.

This is the John Howard Yoder quote that follows me with these thoughts. They may not sound like very wedding-esque thoughts, but there are so many questions about being well in the world about us at all times. One of the main ones is the difference between acting charitably and acting sustainably. We eventually chose a caterer who didn't have to drive a large gas guzzler an hour to reach us. But we didn't get to support the charitable organization we wanted to. We landed with a local woman who started her own company and was very sensitive to our desire to use local food and wine.

It's great. But these are the kinds of things we turn over in our daily life. But this is the journey! It's birth control and Safeway, Mac computers and NFL football. And we're blessed to be in the conversation, to be together in it.

Dishes

We finally found some dishes we like, and someone to make them. Chris Haw is our hired potter who will be making our dishes over the next few months. I know of Chris, who lives in the Camden House in NJ, through friends from Duke. I saw his pottery and asked if he would be willing to make a set for us. He agreed and we will be getting 6 sets at $37 a set by January.

You can more about the ministry of Camden House here. This house is part of a larger movement called the New Monasticism. Since the folks at Camden House share their worldly goods, Chris' pottery goes towards their work. You can check out the rest of his stuff (and place your own order) by going here.

Jake's LandRover

This is Jacob's latest project. With a little backing from his dad, the first Landrover is ready to ship from the UK to the US (soon, he adds). This is a market tester for a possible (serious) business. We'll see where it goes.....

Update and Bridal Shower Pix

Ah, the Service Plunge is finally over. We successfuly navigated 160 freshman through service projects around Portland and logged close to 1000 volunteer hours. While it was great to meet the new UP students, the highlight for me was the student staff. I was so impressed by their hospitality, their eagerness and, by many, their faith. I loved seeing them interact, ask questions and foster relationships with their small group. I also enjoyed bringing Adam and Erin to the final dinner. The transition between my l'Arche life and University of Portland seemed almost seamless. I also got to see some places in PDX I haven't yet, like the Catholic Worker in North Portland.

In other big news, we've got an apartment! I won't be living with the nuns after all, but the same sisters also own an apartment complex which has a few units they rent to "friends of the community." Most of the people who live there are nuns. I think we will be one of three tenants who are not. The rent is cheap and it's in a beautiful part of NE Portland, close to the school. To make things even better, Sister Kate, who used to live downstairs gave us her furniture! This is huge for us since currently we own only a wicker couch and a used mattress.

I'm also adding some bridal shower pictures from the other week. The one at the top is from a recent trip Jacob and I took to Cannon Beach.

Cindy and Shannon chat with Maureen Wheeler. We had the shower in theh Laurelhurst Park. It was a beautiful day and Heather did a great job organizing.



When five year olds are involved you usually end up sharing the spotlight. Here's Jacob's cousin Wren "helping me" open my gifts.


This is a basket I got as a gift. Heather filled with individually wrapped items for our kitchen.


At the end we invited the boys (my dad, Jake's dad and Jake himself) to join us for smores.

phew!

It's the last of my seven-day work weeks. This past week we welcomed student interns on a retreat and now we are into staff training. We end with a Service Plunge for incoming freshman and then get right into Orientation. To make things more exciting we welcomed both the Florers and the Bixlers to Oregon last week. I didn't see them too much but Heather and Jacob held down the fort and took them to the beach, to St Helen's, over to Mt Hood, down the Gorge and through Portland.

We also had a bridal shower while they were here. I'll post pictures when I have a second (whenever that is). Right now Jacob is moving me out of l'Arche and helping to paint my room. I can't wait to sleep this weekend....

Get thee to a nunnery?

It's the last week for me as a live-in assistant at the l'Arche community but I am going out with a bang. Tomorrow we leave for Spokane, a seven hour journey, with all the core members and three assistants in the van. We're going to Regional Gathering, where l'Arche communities come from Tacoma, Seattle, Orange County and Portland meet to pray and party with the Spokanites. I am excited but also wary of the exhaustion that comes from these types of events. I start full time at University of Portland on Monday and go right into a retreat with student staff that weekend. Staff training start the day after we get back which leads into the Service Plunge for incoming freshman then orientation that weekend. All of this was unforseeable when we invited both the Bixler and Florer families to visit right smack in the middle.

The other news is that there is a great chance we have found a new asssitant to take my place in the house. That's great for the house, but it does mean I need to find another place to live. We didn't want to start renting an apartment we would both live in because we would be paying two rents for four months.

The solutions presented itself with Sister Susan, the nun who has been my housemate for the past year. Her convent has several guests rooms which they rent for cheap to people like me who are in transition. So, it may turn out that I will live with three ninety year old nuns for the next few months. Since Jake would be over there a lot, we both went to a meeting with the community the other night. One of the sisters said, "we can tell everyone that we nurtured a romance in our convent!" Hilarious.

SAVE THE DATE

We finally sent our Save-the-Dates (actually, if you are on Jacob's list, sorry. Yours have not been sent yet as Jake is still gathering addresses). It feels good to have some basic wedding things solidified. We're getting married and having a Virginia reception on January 14th. We are also having a reception in Iowa the Saturday after the wedding for family and friends from the midwest who couldn't make it to Virginia. Please come to one or both!

You can start RSVPing even now by going to our TheKnot wedding website (the tab for this is in the upper right hand corner of this page). You can also wait for more details when we send out our invitations in a few months. Please let us know if you have any problems with it. We're trying to avoid using up anymore paper and postage by doing all our RSVPs online or by phone for those who don't use the computer.

Also, when I was at the postal box I noticed that I put Jacob's address as the return but with my zip code.

I doubt it matters too much, but in case you needed to send us something or want to have a correct address it is

Jacob Florer
1316 SE 35th Ave
Portland, OR 97214

A Troop? A Herd? A Pack?

One of my desires for our wedding was to have a large number of flower girls. First, we have about a thousand little girls in our lives. Between church and school friends having babies, we had quite a few options! And since weddings are especially fun for small people and even more for flower girls, and since we want a fun wedding, we decided on six flower girls.

We're trying to decide what you call six flower girls. I think a troop is the best description. We are thankful for the participation of three of the Hanway-Higgs girls, the two Buchinsky women and Jacob's firey red headed second-cousin, Wren Florer.

The only bummer is that Truro, the church where I grew up and where we are having the wedding, is loathe to allow flowers thrown down the aisle. They have a million other picky rules along these lines but we're working with it. Right now we're trying to decide some alternatives. Maybe bubbles? Maybe just holding their own bouqets. Any suggestions, send them our way.

Reception Fun

What we really want out of our wedding reception is for everyone to have fun. Right now we're brainstoriming and would love some input. Since Burke Fire Hall is set up to be a bingo place on the weekends we thought we would just go along and have some bingo called by our band throughout the night.

We're also interested in intergenerational dance participation. To encourage this we've hired the Moonlighters, a DC based Motown/Oldies group. We're hoping young and old alike will get down to James Brown, Stevie Wonder, Aretha, The Four Tops and The Platters. We've also made a special request to hear "When Love Comes to Town" by u2, featuring BB King. Don't be surprised if I get up on stage to exhibit my vocal stylings on that one.

We are also looking for ways to get people talking. We're planning on putting a fact about each person on the backs of your name table place cards. Instead of numbered tables they will be labeled with the names of places important to me and Jacob. I also love something we did at my friend Jane's wedding: if you want to see the bride and groom kiss, you or a group of friends stands and sings a song with "love" in the lyrics.

That's what we've got so far. If you have any ideas or things you've seen get people energized at other weddings, send us a comment. We're pretty much up for anything. Pinatas? Jewish chair dance? Break-dance circle? Bobbing for apples? Let us know what you think would be fun.

overwhelmed (again) by decisions

yes, its true. As of last week we actually still had made no firm plans about our reception, catering, etc. The Knot keeps flashing 166 days left! 165 days left! 164 days left! prompting me further and further into the agony of indecision.

We have (we think) actually now made a plan about the locale for our Wedding At Cana themed reception: The Burke Firehall in, well, Burke! We're borrowing from our friends Jamie and Catherine on this one but we never had illusions of being original. So Burke it is. And we made Save the Dates so that's good.

I've reached the end of caring about anything else. Cheese plate or fruit? Salmon or trout? Accoutrements to accompany a chocolate fountain? Band playlist? First dance song, last dance song, father-daughter dance, monkeys performing at the wedding, wedding flowers, colors, fire-breathers, napkins, Cirque de Solei, china.... For crying out loud! We're about at the point where free reign will be given to the illustrious Robbin Bixler, mother of mine and most patient wedding muse.

So I hear the drums of apathy pounding in the distance, with every moment closing in on this wedding. At this point we just want to get married, get everybody feed and drinked, dance to a few tunes and call it a day. who's with me? anyone? anyone....?

It doesn't help that this has been such a busy time. I am now spending two days a week (my technical "weekend" from l'arche) at University of Portland and hanging with the folks the other five. Jacob is now a daylaborer/househusband. I am enjoying him as my helpmeet/driver/lunchmaker/ironer-of-work-clothes more than I ever would have imagined. We are indeed thinking the househusband thing may be an excellent career for him and are pursuing the possibility accordingly.

Nothing to despair about. Just a full time. We are blessed by the way the doors are opening and by feeling called ever deeper into life together. The new job is great, the transition out of l'Arche smooth. I continue to cultivate relationships with the folks in the house and to enjoy the community of our church. And did I mention that my mom is a rockstar? Wait. What was I complaining about....

oops!

Argh. I realized yesterday that our "comment setting" for the blog allows only registered "bloggers" to leave comments. We've fixed it so now anyone can respond. Just hit "comment" and leave your message.

Sorry about that.

That being said, we would love feedback on Bixler-Florer vs. Florer-Bixler.

Needing Input on Last Naming

A while ago my friend Ashley asked me what Jacob and I are planning to do about our last name. At the time the most natural course of action was for me to stay Bixler, him to stay Florer. I couldn't imagine a great reason to change my name to Florer and vice versa. We flirted with a bunch of ideas, the best one being making up a new word from some or most of the letters in our names (e.g. flixrer, rexflo, olexef, lixbore).

As time went on, in the course of our cooperative naming process it became clear that Jacob had one particular desire in this area. Mostly, he wanted our whole family to have the same last name. So we were left with hyphenating our names. We see this marriage not only as the conjoining of two people, but of two families, two communities, two distinct stories. We bring to our union our Bixler-ness and our Florer-ness.

Now we transition into aesthetics. They're not the prettiest combo (ah, how lucky you are Ardrey-Graves family and Hevelone-Harpers. Kielsmeier-Jones is a mouthful for sure) but it's what we've got.

Here's where we could use your help. Which do you think sounds better: Bixler-Florer or Florer-Bixler?

We were leaning strongly towards the former until my sister mentioned that "Bix" is such a dominating syllable that "lerflorer" becomes this slushy afterthought. Putting "bix" in the middle, she pointed out, is a wake up call in the middle of the soft sounds "florer" and "ler." It becomes two distinct words instead of one. In Jacob's words, "it makes me feel married."

Thoughts? opinions?

Casper the Friendly Volvo

Yeah! We have a new car! The Beast, our somewhat difficult, always loud F250 Diesel (the one in which we got engaged) has needed a replacement or at least a suplement for a while now. The Beast's little sister, our lovely new (1985) Volvo showed up today via Canby, OR. She's a turbo diesel with a rebuilt engine, came biodiesel ready and will be up for a veg oil conversion as soon as we can find the cash. It's a mommy-prep car, e.g. could handle three small people, a stroller, two car seats, a set of snowshoes, a hitchhiker, a bike and a CSA pick-up.

Here are some pictures with the folks who are equally excited about the new arrival (Erin announces "Jaba coming!" when he's in the truck still three blocks away because its so loud).

Everybody came out to see the new ride

Adam tests out the seat

Joni giving her approval

Leo in Blood Diamond

I read in Time magazine on the plane back from Boston that Leonardo DiCaprio will be starring in a new movie called The Blood Diamond, set in Sierra Leone. It's depicts how gem sales funded African civil wars in the 1990s.

"De Beers (the world's largest diamond distributor) says it will spend $15 million to counter publicity its execes say will hurt sales around the film's winter release."

Too bad they aren't spending that money to improve their laborers' camp conditions, provide adequate health care and ensure that their profits are no longer going towards brutal, fascists governments.

Just a reminder: Green Karat.

The Times They Are A Changin'

Over the weekend Jacob and I were up in Boston for the wedding of my good friend Carla. It was a great reunion with friends from Gordon, their spouses and offspring.

While we were there I got a call from the University of Portland offering me a job. Two weeks ago I was on-campus interviewing for the position of Assistant Director of the Office of Volunteer Services. UP is a Holy Cross school and as such their volunteerism is grounded in the tradition of Catholic Social Teaching, not the run-of-the-mill secular humanism or resume building of a lot of mainstream universities. I am really excited about what they are doing (and by how much they are going to pay me).

It's a bittersweet transition but one we feel called to pursue. I will still be involved with l'Arche on the Financial Planning Committee and as an extended community member. In addition, UP's Volunteer Office has supported the community for over a decade, providing summer interns and work crews who come to the house once a month. They even host an on-campus worship service called REEX (Religious Experience for Exceptional People) which I will in-part oversee next year!

To make things more exciting, Jacob is finishing up at the farm early and he will be looking for a new job too! So, on our Thing to Do list we have find a new job, move into a new apartment, plan a wedding and buy a car. My goodness....

We are, however, incredibly thankful for the ways the Lord has opened and closed doors in the past few months. We've been praying hard for wisdom and guidance, that we can be faithful even in these slim times. We feel like there are some amazing things in store for us.

PS
I just have to share. On a completely unrelated note, yesterday at the airport I saw Long Duk Dong. Who the heck is that?, you might be wondering. That was the name of the character from the 80's movie, Sixteen Candles. He was the crazy foreign exchange student. I was convinced it was him but a little thrown off by the fact that he was sitting in my waiting area getting ready to take the jumpflight from Seattle to PDX. I mean, why is Long Duk Dong going from Sea-Tac to Portland anyway?

Well, I came back from getting some food and he was gone! I looked across the way and saw him boarding with First Class on a flight to Los Angeles. Confirmation. I think so.

article on birth control

Amy Laura Hall a theological ethicist from (surprise) Duke did this interview with The Other a while back. She shares about biomedical technologies and birth control practices.

"An Interview with Amy Laura Hall"

Natural Family Planning

Me holding my God-daughter, Geneva about a minute after she was born

















Q: What do you call a couple practicing the Rhythm Method?

A: Parents

Yes, we have heard this joke before. What Jake and I always say is, "well, we're not practicing the Rhythm Method; we're using natural family planning."

Huh?

Most people think of the rhythm method as that inaffective Catholic practice used to decide when to have sex based on the menstural cycle. The myth is that every woman everywhere, across the world ovulates at exactly the same time -- on the 14th day of her cycle.

This is sadly untrue. Women ovulate at different times, sometimes different times every month. Ovulation is affected by stress, plane rides. Practicing NFP requires vigilance in order to do it well. Everyone I know who has gotten pregnant on the NFP we are using either knew they were taking a risk having sex near the date they ovulated or weren't charting accurately.

But often all we hear is, "pregnant on NFP. Big surprise." There are so many misconceptions around NFP. When a friend recently heard we were doing NFP he was skeptical. He respected our decision but thought it was crazy that we could be pregnant at any moment. He was a bit surprised to hear that there is only a 24 hour window once a month in which to conceive. Our friend was imaging that we were fertile all the time! This new information made the whole venture a lot more realistic for him.

The journey into natural birth control is a theological issue for me and Jacob. I know this makes a lot of folks bristle. What we don't mean: that people who use barrier methods or oral contraception are going to hell. We certainy know there is a time and a place for birth control, particularly in countries with high numbers of HIV/AIDS infection where women have very little control over what their husbands bring into their beds.

What we do mean is that, first and foremost, children are a blessing. Because they are gifts we treat them as such and welcome them with the same hospitality. We also want to establish a marriage that honors creation. Both of our bodies are set up with systems and signs which tell us when we are present to the week when we are able to conceive. There are ample amounts of time where our sexual activity is procreative for our relationship building but not for child-conceiving (i.e. times when the gift is not available). We want to work within those boundaries and into the cycles which are part of who we are as created beings.

In other words, NFP is a gift! The belief in each other's fidelity allows us to have sex without a barrier; the belief in God's radical abundance allows us to trust in the process of our bodies; our belief in the church's committment to raising our children with us frees us from the fear of want.

As for the specifics, for those interested, I will give a brief outline. There are three signs to tell fertility:

1. position of the cervics
2. the viscosity of daily cervical fluid
3. waking temperature

With these steps I can pinpoint which day I ovulate. There's about a ten day window of abstinence for those trying to avoid conception (like us) because sperm can live in a woman's body for up to five days after intercourse (how cool it that!). The other days buffer the post-ovulatory phase, just in case alcohol, a plane ride or a temperature from sickness are masking the signs that ovulation has happened.

I've been "charting" (which is what this process of mapping the month is called) for about six months. It's incredible how clear the signs become, how amazing it is to know what my body is doing and how it is preparing each month to bring life into the world. I also want to remember, though, that one of the main reasons for doing this is to put our lives firmly in the plans of God. My friend Seeca reminded me the other day that, for all our trying, sometimes we get it wrong. Sometimes we find out we're infertile, can't carry a pregnancy to term or have to use birth control because of a medical issue. For all our trying, God is the one in control. In all things, we are entrusted to his unfailing love.

To hear about our method of Natural Family Planning check out this link.

Family

Three Generations: Jacob, his mom, grandma, and great-grandma


This past weekend Jacob and I went back to Iowa for his sister's wedding. I have met lots of the Florer and Fredregill families in the past two trips to the mid-West, but this was the big show. Everyone I had heard about and seen in pictures was there. It was a beautiful celebration of family and friends and the grace we receive from those who bind us together as families. Since my family is so small and detached, this was also a huge culture shock, everyone living in relative proximity, still involved, still present.

What I especially appreciated was getting to know all the people who helped form my future husband. These people all share a piece of both Jacob's biological makeup and his upbringing as a learner, a friend and a man of faith. I wanted to thank every person I met for the person he has become, for the gifts he brings to the world and for the way he blesses my life. I also found some great pictures of baby Jake which I thought everyone would enjoy.....

Baby Jake at six months



A young start to coolness (especially loving the snoopy belt buckle)

107

One of the best parts of the Melissa/Jacob story is how many times we missed running into each other in the past few years. The big miss was when we both were studying in Oxford in 2002. As it turns out, we lived half a mile from one another. It's also a little funny that both our house numbers were 107 (the l'Arche community's number is 107 also). I worked at a pub, the Eagle and Child where lots of the Wheaton boys frequented so chances are good we ran into each other at least a few times. We even went to the same Anglican church!

But we had a few other close calls. When I was digging in Israel Jacob was on Wheaton's holy Lands tour. He visited the tel, Hazor that summer just a few hours after our work day ended. When I was a grad student at Duke, he came and stayed with some of our good guy friends a few separate times. Even with him going to vespers and me studying in the building next door, we never crossed paths.

Guess things needed to come full circle. We're really happy to cross each other's path every day now.

Guests!

Wedding news is slow but we are happy to welcome lots of friends into the area. Our good friends the Smalleys from North Carolina were up here last week. Our friend Joshua also stayed for a while. Now my sister is in Portland for the summer working/living in l'Arche (l'Arche is often a family affair). Gwyneth and Carla were out here, as were Lindsey and Frank as well as our friend Joseph. Soon both sets of parents will be out in the great Northwest. Come out and visit us! We always have room on the couch....



Jacob and Joshua being technical

Colonials, Sodexho and corporate responsibility

Things were going just to smoothly....

A few weeks ago Jacob and I were able to secure the site for our reception. We were doing the usual dance between cost and committment but felt like we landed a nice medium. George Mason University rents out a ballroom space which we thought was perfect. We were strictly avoiding those places which operate off the wedding industry. These places will charge you thousands more for a wedding than if you were to, say, rent the space for your Grandma's birthday. They almost always require you to use their caterer, have an open bar and charge absurd fees for stuff you never thought would be extra (like lighting? give me a break).

GMU seemed perfect. They are close to the church which cuts down on driving (read gas useage). They would let us use whatever caterer we wanted and charged a reasonable fee for the faciltiies. Plus, I felt like I was supporting the school which provided one of the best NCAA cinderella basketball stories of the decade. Even though they messed up my bracket big time, I became a Colonials fan after Duke's horrible performance at the Big Dance.

But problems are starting to arise. GMU will let you use your own caterer, but not their kitchen (thank the Lord my mom's a contract manager and pays attention to this stuff). GMU let us know they would be happy to have Sodexho cater my event.

A little background on Sodexho. They are the country's biggest food service company. Most meal plans we were on in college, most hospital food, most vending services in the USA are provided by this monster of a multinational. In their words, "The people of Sodexho touch the lives of millions of men, women and children each day."

Unfortunately Sodexho hasn't always touched lives in a positive way. In 2001 a lawsuit for discrimination was filed against the company. Seems Sodexho refused the promotion of over 3,400 mid-level black employees. There were also incidents of the n-word being thrown around the office and certain accounts being ignored because they were "black accounts." They settled for $80 million in 2002.

Perhaps the words "blood-sucking leech monster bound for the hottest depths of hell" are going through your mind right now. But hold on. Since 2002, the company has initated a new series of "corporate responsibility" clauses. They have a pretty awesome website to back it up complete with measured results of their progress over the years. They are contributing to a breakfast program for low-income school children, signed on to the Global Sullivan Principles for Social Responsibility, offer fair trade coffee and now provide a line of local, organic food. On the protest side, the critics of Sodexho have badly written and/or defunct websites, no new information and offer a lot of opinions without factual support.

Still, for us, this isn't an easy decision. We were really excited to use Fresh Start catering, a work program of DC Central Kitchen. The Kitchen offers a culinary school for chronically unemployable adults. The first job you get after graduating is with Fresh Start. You get experience and a resume builder before going on to working for other companies.

It's a brilliant idea and one we want to support. But without use of the kitchen (which we think is pretty insidious of GMU because of course this forces you to use their caterer) we can't do it. Plus Fresh Start doesn't have linens or dishware so we have to go to another company for that. And at this point in the game it's hard to imagine going through the work of finding another location.

Not only that, we also want to support companies that are trying to clean up their acts in the same way we want to support larger supermarkets who offer local, organic produce. Like all things, this is a negotiation. Ultimately, we are interested in change, in seeing companies respond to internal problems, put environmental sustainability into action and provide proper support to their employees. We aren't interested in being angry for the sake of being angry.

If we do decide to go with Sodexho we will write them a letter letting them know that we are giving them our business because of the changes they've made and for the ways they have responded to the lawsuit. We're also happy for any input anyone has on this topic.

Candles for you!

A few weeks ago core member Erin Wheeler went with me to see a Mariners game in Seattle. She was mostly in it for the hamburger but I think she enjoyed seeing the people in the stadium and yelling "go team" (although unfortunately indiscriminate about which team she yelled this at).

Another great part of that time was visiting the l'Arche community in Seattle (l'Arche Noah Sealth). We were there for the Director's 25th anniversary in the community which meant one morning Erin got two breakfastes which was okay by her. We stayed for a few nights in Angeline house where my friend Leah from Duke is an assistant.

We also got to meet a bunch of the folks who work in the candle workshop, the work program run by the community. About a month before our trip, Jacob and I decided to ask Noah Sealth if they would make candles as gifts for our guests. Two hundred candles was a tall order because they are a small operation but the project leader, Alex said they could swing it with enough time in advance. If you end up liking the candles and want to order more, you can contact the community through this link.

One of the challenges for many men and women with disabilities, particularly those with moderate disabilities, is the lack of things to do during the day. Most work programs run half-day and group homes/foster care agencies are expected to have their clients sit around in the house after 12. Many work programs use these folks to fill time, don't pay a fair wage and often maintain poor facilities. There are many l'Arche communities which provide alternative experiences. In our region, L'Arche Tahoma Hope in Tacoma operates a farm and gardens project. They write:

"The mission of L'Arche Farm & Gardens is to provide work in an atmosphere of dignity and respect, using horticulture and art to broaden and enhance the unique gifts of adults with developmental disabilities."

Other communities run candle or soap workshops. You can also checkout the previous post about Eileen in D.C. who is a part of Art Enables. Jake and I are excited to share with you our l'Arche life through the giftings and talents of the core members who share life in Noah Sealth.

Visit from Eileen

We got a real treat yesterday with a visit from Eileen Schofield and Amy Marie, a core member and assistant from the l'Arche community in D.C. Part of the discernment process for coming into l'Arche involves a weekend visit to a community and since D.C. was the closest to me in August, that's where I went.

Eileen was one of the first core members that I met. She has a great Mississipi accent and loves shrimp. She's also really short so standing next to Joni (or even better hugging Joni), our unusually tall core member, is a very funny and awesome sight.

The other amazing thing about Eileen is her part in a program called Art Enables. Art Enables is an art-as-enterprise foundation which provides folks with disabilties professional instruction, materials and studio space for creating their art. And this art is AMAZING. Eileen is often commissioned to paint. Her work is also sold on-line here.

Ever since I met Eileen I wanted a piece of her art in my house. We made a deal with the seller at Eileen's work to put two of her pieces on our registry. They are reserved for us but if no one buys for us we committed to purchase out of pocket after the wedding.

Eileen is just another example of the amazing men and women who are changed and change others through the healing examples of mutuality, respect and common life in the l'Arche community. Jacob and I support the Portland community with our presence, mine as a live-in assistant and his as an extended community member. We also help to support them financially in any ways we are able. As such, one of our registry requests is for donations to be made to support and nourish the lives of Joni, Adam, Marilyn and Erin in l'Arche Nehalem.

Flowers

The Sunday New York Times had a great article on Mothers Day flowers. The author was Amy Stewart who wrote a book called "Flower Confidential: The Good, the Bad and the Beautiful in the Business of Flowers".

I think it's often times very hard for people (like me) to make decisions when they are isolated to an "earth friendly cause." No matter how strong your theology of creation, it can be difficult to sense your brocolli crying out from the table. Stewart helps me remember that there are very human elements involved in every environmental cause, that workers are inseperable from the chemicals and pesticides used to treat our plants, food and flowers.

She writes about the flower industry in South America, where most of our wedding, get-well-soon and Mothers Day flowers are shipped from. Because they have to get over the border, the flowers have to meet anti-fungal and de-bugging standards. Stewart writes:

"On a flower farm in Ecuador, I saw workers dunk bunches of roses, blossom-first, into a barrel of fungicide just before shipment. The stench was so overpowering that I had to resist the urge to run outside for air. Chemicals dripped off the flowers, they sloshed on the floor and it seemed impossible that the workers — almost all women — could get through the day without getting covered in them, too."

The full affects of health and birth defects of these chemicals are still being investigated but there is no doubt that these practices are harmful for the mostly women who work in the fields for little pay, no vacation and without health care benefits.

Stewart also adds a note about VeriFlora , a new certification program which ensures that flowers are organic and that flower companies employ fair wage and labor practices.

She says that the problem right now is that so few people carry these flowers. A really great way to help is by calling and asking your florist for flowers with the label. Hopefully the demand will drive the prices down and make the certification more popular.

Jacob and I are still unsure what we are going to do about flowers. We'll probably order some from Organic Bouquet but we're also looking into some alternatives like using potted plants from a greenhouse, replacing bride's maids flowers with candles and finding local dried flowers and herbs. We'll see.....

Wedding Dresses

Over the weekend I was on the North Shore in New England for my sister's graduation from Gordon. It rained the entire time we were there. Despite living in Portland, one of the rainier places in our country, I have never seen rain like that.

We did manage to score a wedding dress (you can see it on flickr).

We were looking at several options, some of which may be helpful to those looking for alternatives to buying a new dress. There are lots of "green" dresses out there. Most come from personalized designers but many mainline designers (even Giorgio Armani) have made dresses of sustainable materials. The main ingredients are hemp and silk. The one's I really liked came from Threadhead in AZ.

There are also some great second-hand ideas, where to buy and where to give it when you are done wearing it. The I Do Foundation buys already-worn dresses and sells them through consignment. They give the proceeds to charitable organizations.

Three Others:
The Bridal Garden -The Bridal Garden's non-profit bridal boutique offers top designer gowns at reasonable prices. Proceeds benefit the Sheltering Arms Children's Services.

Making Memories Breast Cancer Foundation - By donating to Brides Against Breast Cancer your wedding and bridesmaids dresses, your 100% tax-deductible gift supports the fight against breast cancer.

The Glass Slipper Project- Here's your chance to help a Chicago high school student be the "Belle of the Ball" at her high school prom. The Glass Slipper Project collects new and almost-new formal dresses and accessories and provides them, free of charge, to Chicago high school students who are unable to purchase their own prom attire.

We ended up finding my dress at a great little store in Wenham called Over the Rainbow. It looks great and we were excited to get it for half the original price!

decisions, decisions

I'm back in the community after two full days on the farm. Two new apprentices started working this week and I am noticing and enjoying the changes in energy, dispersion of work and the new stories Solei and Brian bring with them. It's also always good for me to be reminded of where my food comes from. We are especially cognizant this week as much of the day-labor farming and construction projects around the country were cleared out during Day With No Immigrants. On the farm we do a lot of the hand/back labor we associate with undocumented workers. It's tough, often tougher than I like during my "weekends" spent away from l'Arche. As Jake reminds me, most of the time we're only cheating the curse because others are bearing its brunt.

We also spent a long time last night talking through some of the issues surrounding our wedding registries. The primary question was around supporting Ten Thousand Villages. TTV is a store which sells fair trade international gifts. They support local artisans and ultimately provide income for the communities where they live. It also happens to be the main vehicle of financial support for MCC, the Mennonite Central Committee, the primary arm of Mennonite mission in the world.

But supporting Ten Thousand Villages with our money is complicated. Because all their products are imported the store uses more than its share of petroleum shipping to the U.S. from India, Asia and Africa. We know that the environmental impacts of importation are devistating. And what about local economies? Would we rather support local bsuinesses and craftspeople?

The challenge is to balance sustainability, local production, organically grown products and charitably supportive purchasing. Unfortunately sometimes, most times, we have to chose between. It seems like every decision has three more behind it. It's hard to imagine doing all these things well, how to be and live like Christ. We're trying but we could certainly use some prayer, advice and encouragement along the way....

Recycled Rings and Other Things

First, a big thank you to Jacob's Grandma Peg for providing us with a really beautiful ring. It was a gift to her from her husband, the late Grandpa Tom to celebrate their 25th wedding anniversary.

There's lots of things we like about it. It was a gift with meaning and love which made me feel very welcomed by the Fredregill family. Starting off with a symbol of 25 years of fidelity always before us seems like a good way to go.

We were also aware that investing in a new ring meant paying special attention to where its materials came from. Precious stones are often the way guerilla organziations in unstable countries, particualrly in Africa, finance civil wars. Mining camps in Angola, Burma, Liberia and Sierra Leone are sites of massive human rights violations, including forced amputation and child labor infringement.

For those looking, some alternatives include Green Karat and Leber Jewelers. Look for Canadian diamonds and recycled gold. Also, be aware that if you don't know the country it came from, it isn't clean. De Beers, the London warehouse, is where most jewelers get their gems. The company doesn't keep records of where the diamonds are mined so they certify them all as clean. Go figure.

See this article for more on de Beers.

Welcome

Jacob and I wanted to start this up for a few reasons. First, it's a great way to keep our far-away family and friends connected to everything happening in the next year. We hope to include information about the wedding, where we register as well as stories and pictures from this preparation time.

We also want to share with those closest to us the kind of practices we hope to embody as a couple. In January everyone will be asked an important question, "will all you witnessing these promises do all in your power to uphold these two persons in their marriage?" When you say "we will" we want you to know the ways you can encourage, challenge and bless us as you go about your upholding.

As Christians, one of those most basic practices has to do with how we use the resources of God's created order. The Book of Common Prayer also tells us that "the bond and covenant of marriage was established in creation." We want our wedding to be the first sign and first fruit of our belief in the abundance and the responsibility of caring for creation.

Our last hope for this little project is that it will be a resource for others who hope to celebrate the first day of marriage in a way that leaves little impact on the earth. We won't get everything right. There are lots of other ways to have a wedding. Our hope is that you will travel through this time with us, provide your feedback and pray for us each day.

Thanks for tuning in!

Melissa