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Shower-in-a-Box, plate progress

I had a great surprise when I got home yesterday -- a box from my sweet friend Sara Ardrey-Graves. Sara is one of the women of ladies night, a group of Duke women in religious studies who got together once a week to enagage the holy and the some times questionably holy.

When Sara was simply Sara Ardrey we all went down to the beach after classes were over for a week of amazing beach bonding. It was like a bachelorette party that lasted five days.

But after that we all went our own ways. Molly is a Methodist minister, Amy Griz the Baptist version. Sara is ministering to California surfer youth. We've got PhD programites, Uganda university theology profs and West Bank peace workers in our group. We're across the country and around the globe, from Texas to the West Bank.

It's hard to lose fellowship like that. There have been emails and occasional phone calls but, of course, that isn't the same.

So it was a DELIGHT to come home to my little NE Portland apartment to find a box with individually wrapped gifts from each of the women from the great beach excursion. Bridal-shower-in-a-box was a sweet, wonderful surprise. It was like getting a global hug.

I also got some great pictures of our plates from Chris Haw. It is so awesome to remember that they are just clay from the earth. Here they are in nascent form.

New Address

Here's the address of our little tiny apartment in NE Portland. It's me there for now and then Jacob too when we get married. Pictures coming soon....

1926 NE Tillamook St.
Portland, OR 97212

ROTC, Walmart and the art of negotiation

Working at UP is interesting. It's interesting to be a pacifist at a school with a heavy ROTC presence, to be a Mennonite(ish person) at a Catholic school, to be back in the Corporation after a year scrubbing the backs of the disabled. I love my job because I am paid to bring conversation to each of these places of potential conflict. Because these conflicts are particular and personal for me, they have a sepcial relevance for my work.

One "moment" of late was a conversation with the Director of my department, Tom. He's part of Wal-Marts greening intitative. After protestors and lobbyists put a heap of pressure on Wal-Mart, the company formed panels across the country to get it's greening action underway.

Tom's really torn about it. So am I. In the news a few months ago we learned how Wal-Mart fires pregnant employees and won't hire those who were feeble or old because they don't want to pay the insurance bills. They have some of the worst wages and benefits of any multinational and are completely blind to the sweatshop labor which provides their goods.

So they want you to help their stores not pollute the earth by producing less carbon emissions. What's a guy to do?

I have my own struggle. ROTC is a huge place of contention for me, especially at a Catholic Christian school. One of my students recently asked me to help her plan a trip to Fort Benning for the School of the Americas protest/actions. Suddenly there is all this negotiating. How do you be in relationship, in community with our ROTC brothers and sisters and still speak from a place of grave concern? How do we enter the sorrow that there are places we simply cannot travel together? And, perhaps most chilling, what does this mean for us under the banner of the cross?

Our readiness to renounce our legitimate ends whenever they cannot be attained by legitimate means itself constitutes our participation in the triumphant suffering of the Lamb.

This is the John Howard Yoder quote that follows me with these thoughts. They may not sound like very wedding-esque thoughts, but there are so many questions about being well in the world about us at all times. One of the main ones is the difference between acting charitably and acting sustainably. We eventually chose a caterer who didn't have to drive a large gas guzzler an hour to reach us. But we didn't get to support the charitable organization we wanted to. We landed with a local woman who started her own company and was very sensitive to our desire to use local food and wine.

It's great. But these are the kinds of things we turn over in our daily life. But this is the journey! It's birth control and Safeway, Mac computers and NFL football. And we're blessed to be in the conversation, to be together in it.

Dishes

We finally found some dishes we like, and someone to make them. Chris Haw is our hired potter who will be making our dishes over the next few months. I know of Chris, who lives in the Camden House in NJ, through friends from Duke. I saw his pottery and asked if he would be willing to make a set for us. He agreed and we will be getting 6 sets at $37 a set by January.

You can more about the ministry of Camden House here. This house is part of a larger movement called the New Monasticism. Since the folks at Camden House share their worldly goods, Chris' pottery goes towards their work. You can check out the rest of his stuff (and place your own order) by going here.

Jake's LandRover

This is Jacob's latest project. With a little backing from his dad, the first Landrover is ready to ship from the UK to the US (soon, he adds). This is a market tester for a possible (serious) business. We'll see where it goes.....

Update and Bridal Shower Pix

Ah, the Service Plunge is finally over. We successfuly navigated 160 freshman through service projects around Portland and logged close to 1000 volunteer hours. While it was great to meet the new UP students, the highlight for me was the student staff. I was so impressed by their hospitality, their eagerness and, by many, their faith. I loved seeing them interact, ask questions and foster relationships with their small group. I also enjoyed bringing Adam and Erin to the final dinner. The transition between my l'Arche life and University of Portland seemed almost seamless. I also got to see some places in PDX I haven't yet, like the Catholic Worker in North Portland.

In other big news, we've got an apartment! I won't be living with the nuns after all, but the same sisters also own an apartment complex which has a few units they rent to "friends of the community." Most of the people who live there are nuns. I think we will be one of three tenants who are not. The rent is cheap and it's in a beautiful part of NE Portland, close to the school. To make things even better, Sister Kate, who used to live downstairs gave us her furniture! This is huge for us since currently we own only a wicker couch and a used mattress.

I'm also adding some bridal shower pictures from the other week. The one at the top is from a recent trip Jacob and I took to Cannon Beach.

Cindy and Shannon chat with Maureen Wheeler. We had the shower in theh Laurelhurst Park. It was a beautiful day and Heather did a great job organizing.



When five year olds are involved you usually end up sharing the spotlight. Here's Jacob's cousin Wren "helping me" open my gifts.


This is a basket I got as a gift. Heather filled with individually wrapped items for our kitchen.


At the end we invited the boys (my dad, Jake's dad and Jake himself) to join us for smores.

phew!

It's the last of my seven-day work weeks. This past week we welcomed student interns on a retreat and now we are into staff training. We end with a Service Plunge for incoming freshman and then get right into Orientation. To make things more exciting we welcomed both the Florers and the Bixlers to Oregon last week. I didn't see them too much but Heather and Jacob held down the fort and took them to the beach, to St Helen's, over to Mt Hood, down the Gorge and through Portland.

We also had a bridal shower while they were here. I'll post pictures when I have a second (whenever that is). Right now Jacob is moving me out of l'Arche and helping to paint my room. I can't wait to sleep this weekend....

Get thee to a nunnery?

It's the last week for me as a live-in assistant at the l'Arche community but I am going out with a bang. Tomorrow we leave for Spokane, a seven hour journey, with all the core members and three assistants in the van. We're going to Regional Gathering, where l'Arche communities come from Tacoma, Seattle, Orange County and Portland meet to pray and party with the Spokanites. I am excited but also wary of the exhaustion that comes from these types of events. I start full time at University of Portland on Monday and go right into a retreat with student staff that weekend. Staff training start the day after we get back which leads into the Service Plunge for incoming freshman then orientation that weekend. All of this was unforseeable when we invited both the Bixler and Florer families to visit right smack in the middle.

The other news is that there is a great chance we have found a new asssitant to take my place in the house. That's great for the house, but it does mean I need to find another place to live. We didn't want to start renting an apartment we would both live in because we would be paying two rents for four months.

The solutions presented itself with Sister Susan, the nun who has been my housemate for the past year. Her convent has several guests rooms which they rent for cheap to people like me who are in transition. So, it may turn out that I will live with three ninety year old nuns for the next few months. Since Jake would be over there a lot, we both went to a meeting with the community the other night. One of the sisters said, "we can tell everyone that we nurtured a romance in our convent!" Hilarious.

SAVE THE DATE

We finally sent our Save-the-Dates (actually, if you are on Jacob's list, sorry. Yours have not been sent yet as Jake is still gathering addresses). It feels good to have some basic wedding things solidified. We're getting married and having a Virginia reception on January 14th. We are also having a reception in Iowa the Saturday after the wedding for family and friends from the midwest who couldn't make it to Virginia. Please come to one or both!

You can start RSVPing even now by going to our TheKnot wedding website (the tab for this is in the upper right hand corner of this page). You can also wait for more details when we send out our invitations in a few months. Please let us know if you have any problems with it. We're trying to avoid using up anymore paper and postage by doing all our RSVPs online or by phone for those who don't use the computer.

Also, when I was at the postal box I noticed that I put Jacob's address as the return but with my zip code.

I doubt it matters too much, but in case you needed to send us something or want to have a correct address it is

Jacob Florer
1316 SE 35th Ave
Portland, OR 97214

A Troop? A Herd? A Pack?

One of my desires for our wedding was to have a large number of flower girls. First, we have about a thousand little girls in our lives. Between church and school friends having babies, we had quite a few options! And since weddings are especially fun for small people and even more for flower girls, and since we want a fun wedding, we decided on six flower girls.

We're trying to decide what you call six flower girls. I think a troop is the best description. We are thankful for the participation of three of the Hanway-Higgs girls, the two Buchinsky women and Jacob's firey red headed second-cousin, Wren Florer.

The only bummer is that Truro, the church where I grew up and where we are having the wedding, is loathe to allow flowers thrown down the aisle. They have a million other picky rules along these lines but we're working with it. Right now we're trying to decide some alternatives. Maybe bubbles? Maybe just holding their own bouqets. Any suggestions, send them our way.

Reception Fun

What we really want out of our wedding reception is for everyone to have fun. Right now we're brainstoriming and would love some input. Since Burke Fire Hall is set up to be a bingo place on the weekends we thought we would just go along and have some bingo called by our band throughout the night.

We're also interested in intergenerational dance participation. To encourage this we've hired the Moonlighters, a DC based Motown/Oldies group. We're hoping young and old alike will get down to James Brown, Stevie Wonder, Aretha, The Four Tops and The Platters. We've also made a special request to hear "When Love Comes to Town" by u2, featuring BB King. Don't be surprised if I get up on stage to exhibit my vocal stylings on that one.

We are also looking for ways to get people talking. We're planning on putting a fact about each person on the backs of your name table place cards. Instead of numbered tables they will be labeled with the names of places important to me and Jacob. I also love something we did at my friend Jane's wedding: if you want to see the bride and groom kiss, you or a group of friends stands and sings a song with "love" in the lyrics.

That's what we've got so far. If you have any ideas or things you've seen get people energized at other weddings, send us a comment. We're pretty much up for anything. Pinatas? Jewish chair dance? Break-dance circle? Bobbing for apples? Let us know what you think would be fun.

overwhelmed (again) by decisions

yes, its true. As of last week we actually still had made no firm plans about our reception, catering, etc. The Knot keeps flashing 166 days left! 165 days left! 164 days left! prompting me further and further into the agony of indecision.

We have (we think) actually now made a plan about the locale for our Wedding At Cana themed reception: The Burke Firehall in, well, Burke! We're borrowing from our friends Jamie and Catherine on this one but we never had illusions of being original. So Burke it is. And we made Save the Dates so that's good.

I've reached the end of caring about anything else. Cheese plate or fruit? Salmon or trout? Accoutrements to accompany a chocolate fountain? Band playlist? First dance song, last dance song, father-daughter dance, monkeys performing at the wedding, wedding flowers, colors, fire-breathers, napkins, Cirque de Solei, china.... For crying out loud! We're about at the point where free reign will be given to the illustrious Robbin Bixler, mother of mine and most patient wedding muse.

So I hear the drums of apathy pounding in the distance, with every moment closing in on this wedding. At this point we just want to get married, get everybody feed and drinked, dance to a few tunes and call it a day. who's with me? anyone? anyone....?

It doesn't help that this has been such a busy time. I am now spending two days a week (my technical "weekend" from l'arche) at University of Portland and hanging with the folks the other five. Jacob is now a daylaborer/househusband. I am enjoying him as my helpmeet/driver/lunchmaker/ironer-of-work-clothes more than I ever would have imagined. We are indeed thinking the househusband thing may be an excellent career for him and are pursuing the possibility accordingly.

Nothing to despair about. Just a full time. We are blessed by the way the doors are opening and by feeling called ever deeper into life together. The new job is great, the transition out of l'Arche smooth. I continue to cultivate relationships with the folks in the house and to enjoy the community of our church. And did I mention that my mom is a rockstar? Wait. What was I complaining about....

oops!

Argh. I realized yesterday that our "comment setting" for the blog allows only registered "bloggers" to leave comments. We've fixed it so now anyone can respond. Just hit "comment" and leave your message.

Sorry about that.

That being said, we would love feedback on Bixler-Florer vs. Florer-Bixler.

Needing Input on Last Naming

A while ago my friend Ashley asked me what Jacob and I are planning to do about our last name. At the time the most natural course of action was for me to stay Bixler, him to stay Florer. I couldn't imagine a great reason to change my name to Florer and vice versa. We flirted with a bunch of ideas, the best one being making up a new word from some or most of the letters in our names (e.g. flixrer, rexflo, olexef, lixbore).

As time went on, in the course of our cooperative naming process it became clear that Jacob had one particular desire in this area. Mostly, he wanted our whole family to have the same last name. So we were left with hyphenating our names. We see this marriage not only as the conjoining of two people, but of two families, two communities, two distinct stories. We bring to our union our Bixler-ness and our Florer-ness.

Now we transition into aesthetics. They're not the prettiest combo (ah, how lucky you are Ardrey-Graves family and Hevelone-Harpers. Kielsmeier-Jones is a mouthful for sure) but it's what we've got.

Here's where we could use your help. Which do you think sounds better: Bixler-Florer or Florer-Bixler?

We were leaning strongly towards the former until my sister mentioned that "Bix" is such a dominating syllable that "lerflorer" becomes this slushy afterthought. Putting "bix" in the middle, she pointed out, is a wake up call in the middle of the soft sounds "florer" and "ler." It becomes two distinct words instead of one. In Jacob's words, "it makes me feel married."

Thoughts? opinions?

Casper the Friendly Volvo

Yeah! We have a new car! The Beast, our somewhat difficult, always loud F250 Diesel (the one in which we got engaged) has needed a replacement or at least a suplement for a while now. The Beast's little sister, our lovely new (1985) Volvo showed up today via Canby, OR. She's a turbo diesel with a rebuilt engine, came biodiesel ready and will be up for a veg oil conversion as soon as we can find the cash. It's a mommy-prep car, e.g. could handle three small people, a stroller, two car seats, a set of snowshoes, a hitchhiker, a bike and a CSA pick-up.

Here are some pictures with the folks who are equally excited about the new arrival (Erin announces "Jaba coming!" when he's in the truck still three blocks away because its so loud).

Everybody came out to see the new ride

Adam tests out the seat

Joni giving her approval

Leo in Blood Diamond

I read in Time magazine on the plane back from Boston that Leonardo DiCaprio will be starring in a new movie called The Blood Diamond, set in Sierra Leone. It's depicts how gem sales funded African civil wars in the 1990s.

"De Beers (the world's largest diamond distributor) says it will spend $15 million to counter publicity its execes say will hurt sales around the film's winter release."

Too bad they aren't spending that money to improve their laborers' camp conditions, provide adequate health care and ensure that their profits are no longer going towards brutal, fascists governments.

Just a reminder: Green Karat.

The Times They Are A Changin'

Over the weekend Jacob and I were up in Boston for the wedding of my good friend Carla. It was a great reunion with friends from Gordon, their spouses and offspring.

While we were there I got a call from the University of Portland offering me a job. Two weeks ago I was on-campus interviewing for the position of Assistant Director of the Office of Volunteer Services. UP is a Holy Cross school and as such their volunteerism is grounded in the tradition of Catholic Social Teaching, not the run-of-the-mill secular humanism or resume building of a lot of mainstream universities. I am really excited about what they are doing (and by how much they are going to pay me).

It's a bittersweet transition but one we feel called to pursue. I will still be involved with l'Arche on the Financial Planning Committee and as an extended community member. In addition, UP's Volunteer Office has supported the community for over a decade, providing summer interns and work crews who come to the house once a month. They even host an on-campus worship service called REEX (Religious Experience for Exceptional People) which I will in-part oversee next year!

To make things more exciting, Jacob is finishing up at the farm early and he will be looking for a new job too! So, on our Thing to Do list we have find a new job, move into a new apartment, plan a wedding and buy a car. My goodness....

We are, however, incredibly thankful for the ways the Lord has opened and closed doors in the past few months. We've been praying hard for wisdom and guidance, that we can be faithful even in these slim times. We feel like there are some amazing things in store for us.

PS
I just have to share. On a completely unrelated note, yesterday at the airport I saw Long Duk Dong. Who the heck is that?, you might be wondering. That was the name of the character from the 80's movie, Sixteen Candles. He was the crazy foreign exchange student. I was convinced it was him but a little thrown off by the fact that he was sitting in my waiting area getting ready to take the jumpflight from Seattle to PDX. I mean, why is Long Duk Dong going from Sea-Tac to Portland anyway?

Well, I came back from getting some food and he was gone! I looked across the way and saw him boarding with First Class on a flight to Los Angeles. Confirmation. I think so.

article on birth control

Amy Laura Hall a theological ethicist from (surprise) Duke did this interview with The Other a while back. She shares about biomedical technologies and birth control practices.

"An Interview with Amy Laura Hall"

Natural Family Planning

Me holding my God-daughter, Geneva about a minute after she was born

















Q: What do you call a couple practicing the Rhythm Method?

A: Parents

Yes, we have heard this joke before. What Jake and I always say is, "well, we're not practicing the Rhythm Method; we're using natural family planning."

Huh?

Most people think of the rhythm method as that inaffective Catholic practice used to decide when to have sex based on the menstural cycle. The myth is that every woman everywhere, across the world ovulates at exactly the same time -- on the 14th day of her cycle.

This is sadly untrue. Women ovulate at different times, sometimes different times every month. Ovulation is affected by stress, plane rides. Practicing NFP requires vigilance in order to do it well. Everyone I know who has gotten pregnant on the NFP we are using either knew they were taking a risk having sex near the date they ovulated or weren't charting accurately.

But often all we hear is, "pregnant on NFP. Big surprise." There are so many misconceptions around NFP. When a friend recently heard we were doing NFP he was skeptical. He respected our decision but thought it was crazy that we could be pregnant at any moment. He was a bit surprised to hear that there is only a 24 hour window once a month in which to conceive. Our friend was imaging that we were fertile all the time! This new information made the whole venture a lot more realistic for him.

The journey into natural birth control is a theological issue for me and Jacob. I know this makes a lot of folks bristle. What we don't mean: that people who use barrier methods or oral contraception are going to hell. We certainy know there is a time and a place for birth control, particularly in countries with high numbers of HIV/AIDS infection where women have very little control over what their husbands bring into their beds.

What we do mean is that, first and foremost, children are a blessing. Because they are gifts we treat them as such and welcome them with the same hospitality. We also want to establish a marriage that honors creation. Both of our bodies are set up with systems and signs which tell us when we are present to the week when we are able to conceive. There are ample amounts of time where our sexual activity is procreative for our relationship building but not for child-conceiving (i.e. times when the gift is not available). We want to work within those boundaries and into the cycles which are part of who we are as created beings.

In other words, NFP is a gift! The belief in each other's fidelity allows us to have sex without a barrier; the belief in God's radical abundance allows us to trust in the process of our bodies; our belief in the church's committment to raising our children with us frees us from the fear of want.

As for the specifics, for those interested, I will give a brief outline. There are three signs to tell fertility:

1. position of the cervics
2. the viscosity of daily cervical fluid
3. waking temperature

With these steps I can pinpoint which day I ovulate. There's about a ten day window of abstinence for those trying to avoid conception (like us) because sperm can live in a woman's body for up to five days after intercourse (how cool it that!). The other days buffer the post-ovulatory phase, just in case alcohol, a plane ride or a temperature from sickness are masking the signs that ovulation has happened.

I've been "charting" (which is what this process of mapping the month is called) for about six months. It's incredible how clear the signs become, how amazing it is to know what my body is doing and how it is preparing each month to bring life into the world. I also want to remember, though, that one of the main reasons for doing this is to put our lives firmly in the plans of God. My friend Seeca reminded me the other day that, for all our trying, sometimes we get it wrong. Sometimes we find out we're infertile, can't carry a pregnancy to term or have to use birth control because of a medical issue. For all our trying, God is the one in control. In all things, we are entrusted to his unfailing love.

To hear about our method of Natural Family Planning check out this link.